In the Unlikely Event...

On the evening news, I listened as the newscaster re-capped the story about the disappearance of a local woman.  I watched as images of her flashed across the screen.  This slide show of photos made me think...  Would she have chosen those specific photos to share with the public?

It's weird isn't it?  Sometimes I look at photos of people who have been lost and are later found.  I wonder, would I have recognized that person if I had passed him or her on the street?  Are the photos shared with the public good representations of how these people really appear?  I'm not sure I would have recognized Elizabeth Smart from her photos...  It's hard enough for me to recognize family resemblances...  Could I really pick out the features of a stranger just from a photo?  Could I recognize a stranger whose photo I had only briefly seen?  What about seeing that person out of context--would they even seem familiar?

All I really know is this...  There are many photos of me that I hope never see the light of day.  I certainly don't want them broadcast across the local or national airwaves.  In fact, I think I'd rather not be recognized at all, rather than be recognized by some of those photos.

You hear about celebrities whose obituaries are written years in advance.  These seemingly-posthumously written tributes are continually updated.  I'm going to work with that idea.  On my computer, I am going to create an in case photo file.  This file will not include the bikini era.  It will exclude the post-triplet baby-fat era.  It will bypass the what was I thinking hair-style era.  I think it will focus strongly on the thanks for Photoshopping that era.  The photos in this file with be resplendent in rich color (no gray hair, please), expert airbrush techniques, and digital enhancements (can you slim that thigh a little?).  The wind-blown hair, pouty-lipped look will be optional, used only as required. 

If I ever go missing, due to head-trauma induced amnesia or anything else, will someone please remind The Mister not to use any photos unless they come from this pre-approved file?  If not, I might find myself in Arkansas or somewhere, too humiliated to return home. 

Thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter.